Change is scary, and new situations bring about uncertainty.  But that doesn’t mean we should shy away from change.  A much as it’s scary and uncertain, it offers that same measure of growth and excitement.  In fact, the physical body perceives fear and excitement in exactly the same way:  the heart races, skin flushes, breathing accelerates, and we break into a sweat.  The brain decides whether we’re experiencing fear or excitement, and we can train it to “assume excitement.”  In other words, in the absence of any legitimate proof that you are in real danger, you can assume that those feelings mean that you are excited about something.

There’s another important dynamic at play when we’re looking toward a new experience.  We often assume we don’t know what to do.  We claim we don’t know whether it’s better to stay in the relationship we’re in or break it off and start (or wait for) something new.  The truth is that we almost always DO know what we want to do.  Our inner compass points true; we just don’t always like what the road looks like.

Learning to trust in that inner compass is an important step in living an extraordinary life.  There are three steps you can take to get there:

1. Be quiet.  Take time each day to be quiet with yourself.  First thing in the morning is a great time, before the hustle and bustle of a new day begins.  Focus on your breath without trying to change it.  Thoughts will arise, but let them leave as well.  When you first start this, it might be helpful to have a pen and paper handy in case an actual important thought arises.
2. Ask yourself a question.  Once you’ve quieted your mind, ask yourself that question you think you don’t know the answer to.  I like to ask it this way:  “If I knew what was best for me, what would I do about this situation?”
3. Listen to what your body has to say.  Your brain is where all the resistance lives; the voice of your ego is likely to encourage you to not make any changes.  Tune instead into the “gut brain”.  This is a bundle of nerves in your gut, right below your rib cage.  Science has proven that this center has a more primal intelligence than the brain.  This is where your truth lives. Your answer will arise from that place.

Yes, it takes some practice to hear what your body has to say.  But it’s worth the effort because it will invariably move you into a better place.  After all, the devil you know is still a devil.  The devil you don’t might not exist at all.

This seems counter-intuitive.  After all, if you want something to happen, don’t you have to figure out how to make it happen?

It turns out that you don’t have to figure out how to make it happen.  In fact, if you spend time worrying about the “how,” the “what” might pass you bye.  Worrying about how something is going to happen makes your attention focus on worry, rather than where it should be, which is having the thing you want.  When you focus on worry, you manifest more to worry about.

Even if you’re not worried, when you focus on something as if you don’t yet have it, it will always be just out of your reach.

The tricky part is letting go of your attachment to the outcome. Let’s say you want to manifest the perfect partner. You have preferences for dark hair and blue eyes, a certain height and body type. What if the perfect partner didn’t look like you imagined him or her to look?  As my first life coach used to say, “Don’t get so hung up on the blue Jaguar that if someone offers you a red Ferrari, you say no.”  In other words, focus on the big picture (the perfect partner or a snazzy sports car) and not the details.

The devil’s in the details, as they say, and hell is in the how.

To focus on the big picture, spend a little time every day visualizing how happy you are with your partner, how much you love each other and how great the sex is. Act as if you are already with him or her and focus on the emotions until you can really feel them. You can change up their physical appearance so the Universe knows you’re flexible. Once you’ve really got the good feelings in your body, stay there for several seconds– a minimum of 17 seconds and no longer than a minute.

Don’t get specific about how you’ll meet, either. Let the universe deal with that how. Your job is to put yourself out there in a variety of ways so you have plenty of chances to meet your love. Oh, and one last thing. Have fun along the way!

When we feel challenged by Love, our instincts are to close down.  If we chose to open instead, we’d find our capacity for love would increase.  Love always asks us to open, to grow larger.  It’s always asking us to remember who we really are.  We feel challenged by Love because we don’t feel worthy of unconditional love.  When we experience great love, some part of us doesn’t believe it’s real and shuts down.  But it is real, and we are worthy.    How can we open to this wild thing?  How can we invite Love into our lives?

1. Gratitude will help you align with Love.  Energetically, gratitude resonates at approximately the same vibration as love.  When you feel the absence of love in your life, focus on things that help you feel gratitude.  This will raise your vibration and allow you to receive more love.
2. Forgiveness is one of the hardest lessons known to humankind.  Holding unforgiveness in your heart, either against others or yourself will keep love from taking up permanent residence.  The hardest person to forgive is yourself, but when you do you will create more room for love.
3. Honesty with yourself and others will also create space for more love.  When you can share your feelings honestly, it frees up lots of energy and makes room for more love.  This includes being honest with yourself about how you’re feeling, even if it means admitting to feeling bad, lonely, or frightened.
4. Creating community for yourself will allow you to open to more love.  This includes finding confidants, mentors and disciples.  It allows you to share yourself with confidants, learn from mentors and share what you know with disciples.  In all that sharing and growing, love thrives.

Yes, I am talking about a love that is much larger than romantic love.  But romantic love is part of this greater love, so inviting Love in will help you create and nurture romantic love.  It will help you be a better lover and it will help you attract someone who is willing to open to Love.