A therapist friend knows this about me and lent me a book called Fingerprints of God:  The Search for the Science of Spirituality.  In one chapter, the author talks about psychedelic drugs and the “god experience.”  One scientist described an LSD trip as having “this sense of being at one with the universe, which involves a loss of ego boundaries, such that you can’t tell the difference between yourself and the rest of the universe.”

This sounds a lot like what happens when someone is newly in love; the loss of ego boundaries, when you can’t tell the difference between yourself and your lover.  You cease thinking about “me” and instead think in terms of “we.”  It happens first in the stage of early romantic love, and then happens at a deeper level in long term relationships.

What’s interesting (to me at least) is that the two brain chemicals the scientists focused on in their search for some kind of “god gene” or “god drug” are two chemicals that are critically important to sexuality and romantic relationships:  dopamine and serotonin.

Dopamine is a “feel good” chemical.  It’s related to the reward center in our brains and it’s activated during sex and other vigorous activity.  Dopamine levels become elevated in the attraction phase of a relationship, or what I usually refer to as the honeymoon stage.  When being with your partner feels like a drug—the more you get the more you want—that’s dopamine at work.  It’s the main chemical that creates a close bond early in a relationship.

Serotonin works in a different way.  Among other things, it elevates moods and helps men to last longer before ejaculation.  It also seems to be, along with dopamine, the main triggers of transcendent experiences.  Most of those psychedelic drugs act like serotonin in the brain.  Serotonin is also partially responsible for keeping people together in long term relationships, some studies show.

What does all this mean, you ask?  It means that with enough attention focused on the task at hand, you and your partner can find god through sex.  You can have one of those transcendent experiences, where you lose the difference between your own small self, your partner, and the rest of the universe.  With a little help from your chemical friends, dopamine and serotonin, you can have what I like to call a “cosmic orgasm.”   I highly recommend it.

1. Loyalists.  These men and women are faithful for the long term.  My partner falls into this group, as does Nancy Reagan.  These people are happily monogamous for their entire lives.  They find a good thing and stick with it.  The men in this group, scientists have discovered, carry a gene called the vasopressin receptor gene.  It apparently controls the likelihood of a man straying.  Tiger Woods, for example, does not carry this particular gene.  Nor do Gene Simmons or Jesse James, apparently.  But my partner, he’s got a long one. J  I’m sure there’s a female equivalent of the vasopressin receptor gene, but scientists haven’t identified it yet.
2. Serial Monogamists.  These people are faithful for the short term.  By short term I mean less than five years.  But they are faithful, over and over again.  Personally, I think this is the most common group.  As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think long term monogamy is natural, although it’s a choice a lot of us make.
3. Philanderers.  These men and women are unfaithful for the long run.  They are typically in a long term relationship, but without their partner’s consent they repeatedly stray.  They are unlikely to ever leave their partner, usually for financial or social reasons, but they aren’t at all interested in being faithful.
4. Allergic.  These people are unfaithful for the short term.  Meaning, they can’t sustain a long term relationship and they aren’t faithful in their short term relationships.  They’re always looking for the “next best thing”, and they perpetually believe the grass is greener on the other side of the fence… despite having jumped the fence repeatedly and found the same grass.

What about swingers and polyamorists, you ask?  They can still fit into one of these categories.  They have their own rules and standards, and if they stray from their own rules they are being unfaithful.

Where do you fall?  It’s a good thing to know because it will help you create and maintain agreements that are in integrity.  Knowing your own—and your potential partner’s—type is a pretty useful tool.

1. Clitoral orgasms are the most common type women experience.  I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since fifth grade, but I’ll spare you the details.  They’re created by intense and direct stimulation of the clitoris.  One great thing about clitoral orgasms is that you can have them just about anywhere, with or without a partner.

2. Vaginal orgasms, as far as my internet research uncovered, really meant g-spot orgasms.  The g-spot is a sensitive area of ribbed tissue on the front side of the vagina, generally 2-3 inches inside the vaginal opening.  It is the inside end of the clitoris.  If you think of the clitoris as one end of a barbell, the g-spot is the other end.  They’re connected by a bundle of nerves and either end of the bundle is an incredibly sensitive erotic spot.

3.  There is another vaginal spot that can trigger an orgasm.  It’s not well known, but from personal research I can tell you that it’s not a myth.  It’s the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or AFE spot, and it’s located on the front wall of the vagina just below the cervix.

4.  Cervical orgasms are the fourth type.  These are very rare; usually a woman’s cervix is too tender for touch to feel good.  But when sexual healing has occurred both physically and emotionally, a cervical orgasm can happen.  They are quite intense and pleasurable.

5.  Then there’s the nipple orgasm.  This is an orgasm available from any erogenous zone being stimulated.  Nipples are the most common spot, but they’re not the only one.  Basically, with enough stimulation any of these erogenous zones will create a welling up and release of energy known as an orgasm.

6.  Anal orgasms occur when the inside of the anus is stimulated.  In men, that affects the prostate, which is like the female g-spot.  In women, I don’t really know what causes it because I’ve never experienced one, but I’ll guess it’s like the nipple orgasm.

7.  Oral orgasms occur when you eat something that is so outrageously delicious that you moan and groan like Helen Hunt in “When Harry Met Sally,” only you really mean it.  For me, it happens when I eat a good flourless chocolate cake.

8.  The eighth and final type is called a fake orgasm… these I would not recommend. J  I admit to faking an orgasm when I first met my partner.  He caught me, and I’ll never bother doing that again.  Women can have lots of fun during sex, with or without an orgasm.  Just be real!