Sometimes it’s just a matter of “fake it ‘til you make it.” I often recommend that couples go on a sex rampage, having sex for seven days in a row, to rekindle the romance in their relationship. Here, I offer five tips to help you get “in the mood.”

1. Get your hips moving. Use a hula hoop, or go to a dance class. One of the reasons you’re not in the mood is because you’re not really in your body. So much of the day is spent on mental activity, you’re disconnected from your body. This kind of movement helps you climb back into your body.
2. Learn how to give a lap dance. You can find examples on YouTube, or find a pole fitness studio that offers classes.  Learning how to give a lap dance is about much more than giving a lap dance. It’s about giving you confidence, and confidence is sexy. I’ve witnessed many women transform from giggling, embarrassed school girls into sexy, confident vixens by the end of a lap dance class.
3. Give yourself a warm oil massage. Called abhyanga in the Ayurvedic tradition, it’s a great way to moisturize your skin and stimulate your body. Simply heat about 3/4 cup of sesame, sunflower, or coconut oil in the microwave. Beginning at your feet, drizzle the oil onto your skin and rub it in, massaging as you go. Let it sink in for 5-10 minutes (be sure the bathroom is warm so you don’t get a chill) before rinsing it off in the shower. Don’t use soap, just water to get rid of the excess oil.
4. Set the mood in the room. Use soft lights or candles, put some music on that reminds you of a time when you felt super sexy. Have a glass of wine to help you unwind, if you feel the need. But don’t overdo the alcohol; alcohol is a depressant, so too much will dampen your sense of touch and desensitize you.
5. Set your mental mood. One of the things that inhibits you from feeling sexy is your mental chatter. Your to-do list, your internal criticism of what your body looks like, and thoughts about what you did or didn’t accomplish at work will all conspire to keep you in your head and not feeling sexy. Make a list of all the things that are running around in your head. Putting them down on paper will help you relax, knowing there’s no chance you’ll forget something important.

I may have mentioned this, but I’m not a fan of this holiday. I prefer to spread the love all year ‘round. But for those of you who do like to make a big deal of it (or you’re afraid you’ll end up in the dog house if you don’t), here are some ideas.

1. Write your sweetheart a love letter. You know how much she likes getting cards? Well, multiply that by a bazillion. A real letter, hand-written on paper, with your sincere thoughts and feelings expressed for her to read and re-read, is priceless. Stay tuned for tips on how to write a beautiful love letter.
2. Make a special dinner at home. While the more typical dinner at a restaurant can be nice, there’s something really sweet about a home made meal. You can set the lights low, use candles, and put on some nice dinner music. It doesn’t even have to be terribly fancy, but it helps if it’s something you don’t normally cook. I just recently dusted off a cookbook I hadn’t used in awhile, and I’m glad I did. The appreciation my husband showered on me was well worth the effort.
3. If you have children, encourage them to make cards or pictures for both you and your spouse. No peeking! What’s sweeter than that? Nothing makes your heart expand quite like the love of a child expressed with Crayolas.
4. For gift ideas, enlist your partner’s best friend for suggestions. They’re more likely to mention what they want to a friend than to a partner. And think outside the box: instead of chocolates or jewelry, what about a spa treatment? Especially for parents with young children, time alone during a massage or manicure is priceless.
5. For women, get your sexy on! Surprise your partner by wearing sexy lingerie… under your bathrobe… when he gets home from work… and flash him. That’s just one suggestion under a larger umbrella of ideas. The umbrella is this: you be the one to initiate sex. Men tend to be responsible for initiating most of the sex that occurs in longer term relationships. Whether it’s social conditioning, disinterest, or laziness, women just don’t usually initiate sex when they’ve been with their partner for awhile. Trust me, he’ll love it.

You may have noticed that four of the five suggestions don’t require a big outlay of cash. Sometimes it really is the simple things in life that make it more meaningful.

I’ve listened to and watched more than my fair share of experts with “the” answer to all my problems. I’ve learned from dozens of talented individuals. And I’ve never heard anything I didn’t already know.

I realize that may sound like a bold statement. You might think I’m pretty egotistical to think that. But I’ll bet most, if not all of you, have had the same experience. Particularly when it comes to growing your business, I’m sure you’ve listened to an expert with a “revolutionary formula” and been told something you already knew. The truth is, there are shockingly few ideas that are truly new or revolutionary. Most of the time, it’s a slightly different spin on an old stand-by. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, either.

There really is a secret to making it all work. I’m kidding, there’s nothing secret about it. The only trouble is, people rarely manage to do it. And that’s why they keep going back to experts, looking for another way. The secret is this: take action. Shocking, I know. But people all over the world consistently expect their lives to improve magically, that is, without a change of behavior on their part.

Part of the problem with magical thinking is movies like The Secret and What the Bleep gloss over the part of the success equation that includes taking action. People like the idea of the Law of Attraction because they mistakenly believe they can think their way into a smaller dress size, a better job, or a happier marriage. But thinking about it is just the first step.

Here’s the rest of the story, the “Magic Formula” for living a life of JOY and having a better love life.

1. Think about what you really want in your love life. Whether you’re in a relationship or want to find one, think about some of the qualities of your ideal romantic relationship.
2. Close your eyes and imagine you already have it. What would you be able to have? How would you act? What kind of things would you say? And most important: how would you feel? Let yourself be filled with the feelings.
3. Now for the magic part. Every day, first thing in the morning, go to that feeling place. Fill yourself up with the feelings you expect to experience once you have that thing you really want, and sit in the feeling for about 30 seconds. While you’re still at the peak of the feelings, DO SOMETHING. Do something, anything, that will move you in the direction of having a better relationship. Do something that someone who already has what it is you want would do. If you want your partner to be more expressive, you could start modeling the behavior you desire. If you want a partner who showers you with positive attention, begin by showering yourself with positive attention. Whether the daily action is ordinary or inspired, this is the magic in the formula. I know, it’s really more on the mundane side, but it’s magically powerful.

If you really want to change your life, the secret is to take consistent, daily action toward your goals. Yes, there are a lot of other tools and tricks you can use to help propel you toward your goal, but there is none more powerful than taking consistent, daily action. It’s not sexy, and it may seem overly simple. Stay tuned, and I’ll share some of the other tools and tricks. But if you don’t do this one thing, the rest of them won’t help much.