I’m happy to say, I think the Solstice knocked me out of my retrograde phase.  That was a long two weeks of negative momentum!  I’ve gotten a gentle reminder, in the form of both Mars and Mercury going retrograde, that it wouldn’t be wise to jump forward full force.  Instead, I’ll be easing back into things by taking stock of my life and focusing on those things that feed me with positive energy.

We all have these times of darkness.  When it’s very intense, it’s called the “dark night of the soul.”  We question ourselves, our motives, our goals and intentions, and our relationships.  We might even question what we’re doing here at all.  During these times of darkness, clarity is nowhere to be found.  We may feel lost and confused, or at the very least, unmotivated.  For some, it can turn into a clinical depression.

When you enter a time of darkness, it’s helpful to stay out of “victim” mode.  Try to be a witness, instead.  As a witness, you can observe what’s happening (or not happening) and draw conclusions.  You can learn from the experience.  As a victim, you’re so busy saying “Poor me, why do these terrible things happen to me?” that you miss the lesson.  Guess what?  If you miss the lesson, the Universe will give you another chance to catch it.  In other words, you’ll get another time of darkness until you figure it out.

As we emerge from the darkness, we can look around and take inventory.  Ask yourself these questions:

1. What’s working for you in your life?
2. What’s not working for you in your life?
3. Are there things you’ve been doing that seemed like a good idea at the time but now no longer serve you?
4. Are there people you spend time with who are sapping your energy with their negativity?
5. What are you willing to do about those things that no longer serve you?

Regardless of whether you’re currently experiencing a time of darkness or not, the Solstice and approaching new year make this a great time to take this kind of inventory.  You can ask these questions of your life in general, or a specific aspect of your life, such as romance.

Question 5 is an important one.  Often when something in our life isn’t working well, our automatic response is to think, “There’s nothing I can do about that.”  Usually, that is not true.  What’s true is that it might take courage to make a change.  It might not be easy to do something about the situation.  You might decide that you’d rather be mildly uncomfortable staying in the situation than doing what’s necessary to change it.  If that’s the case, own it and stop complaining about it.

What is also true is that you can’t change another person.  You can only change your own behaviors, feelings, thoughts and actions.  If someone wants to treat you poorly, it is your own authority that allows that or not.  Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel badly without your permission.”  If someone with whom you’re romantically involved wants to make you feel badly, you get to decide whether or not to accept that.

And lastly, what is also true is that very few people can make these changes by themselves.  Most of us need a little help; someone to talk to who can guide us toward the decisions that will serve our highest good.  When we’re in the dark, we need to reach out and hold someone’s hand so we don’t get lost.

Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.  Remember, the light of one candle can banish the darkness in an entire room.  In other words, one well asked question can clarify everything in a moment.  Ask the questions.