I’ve been thinking about endings a lot lately, and also about new beginnings.  It has occurred to me several times over the past couple of years that our society really doesn’t know how to handle transitions.

The only transition we really celebrate is the one from single to married life through the wedding ceremony.  Imagine how different our relations would be if we could celebrate birth, death and divorce with as much grace, love and joy as we celebrate marriage.

Not all cultures suffer from this dishonoring of transitions.  I recently participated in a Blessingway, which is a Native American tradition honoring a mother-to-be.  It was incredibly beautiful, and created a sacred space to usher this woman into motherhood.  While most everyone views a birth as a cause for celebration, I’m not sure we honor the new child being born or the mother during the birth process.  Most births are sterile hospital events, and even when these are medically necessary, there is a great deal of room to create a warm, nurturing environment into which to welcome these precious new beings and honor the work their mothers do to birth them.

People in the U.S. who are terminally ill often suffer a great deal of inhuman treatment in the quest to keep them alive as long as possible.  Usually the sick person is completely in agreement with this treatment, in hopes of extending their life.  In the end, does it really serve them?  For some, perhaps it does.  For others, death with dignity would be a greater blessing.  Fortunately, hospice is a growing trend, but even with hospice, the level of care and support varies widely.  Some hospice organizations offer group/family counseling, energy healing for the dying person and visits from beloved pets.  Others merely offer a calm environment with palliative care, but even that is better than the sterile environment of a hospital with over-worked staff.

Many cultures celebrate the life of a person who has just died.  They recognize that we are more than just this body; that the soul is immortal and when we choose to leave this body, we are moving on to bigger and better things.  They may still mourn the connection to the living person, but they celebrate a life well lived.

And then there’s the transition of divorce.  Very rarely is that a graceful transition.  All too often, the couple waits until they can’t stand the sight of each other to muster up the courage to make the change.  At that point, grace is nearly impossible to find.  Divorce is often cloaked in fear; fear of change, fear of living alone, and the fear of being able to make ends meet financially, to name a few.

What if there was another way?  What if the ending of a marriage could be celebrated as a joyous transition into a new stage of life?  What if each partner could honor the other for their role in the growth being experienced which made necessary the parting of ways?  It would take a certain level of maturity for this to occur.  It would also mean having the courage to address issues as they arise, rather than letting them fester.  It would require a willingness to look deeply within and honor what we see.  And it would require a commitment to personal growth above all.

The funny thing about all those requirements for a joyous transition is this:  if both people were equally committed to those things, the question of divorce would often disappear.  Instead, the marriage would become the vehicle for tremendous personal growth for both parties.  And in those cases where the requirements were met and the couple was still incompatible, they would part gracefully and joyously, with great love and respect for each other.  I know it’s possible because I’ve seen it happen.  I’d just like to see it a little more often.